My Rocky Mountain Heart

One year ago from yesterday, July 23rd, I embarked on a business venture into the retail world as an independent retailer for LuLaRoe. I was excited about the opportunity to retail clothing for a brand I had fallen in love with (and the chance to run a successful business from my home). 

But over the last few months, I have felt this constant tugging at my heart to CREATE instead of selling. I have prayed about this for so long, I have discussed it over and over with Ryan, my parents and closest friends and I’ve ultimately come to the decision to let it go…to let go of this business because it simply doesn’t light a fire in my soul. 

On one hand, I have met some incredible people through this business — both consultants and customers, which I am very grateful for. And I’ve done quite well with this business — I mean I’ve been able to purchase some big ticket items for us with CASH (a new iPhone 7, an iPad, 2 fishing kayaks). BUT there is this niggling feeling deep inside of me that running this business is like trying to wear a pair of jeans that just doesn’t fit. Ya feel me? 

When I reflect on why we moved to the mountains, I think of things like spending time in nature, being more disconnected from technology, conquering 14ers, swinging in our hammocks at Turqoise Lake while we read next to each other, taking Larry David on long hikes to explore new places, learning to snowboard, cooking dinners together…you get the idea. And unfortunately, this business has increased the intensity of my relationship with my phone instead of my family. It has kept me on my phone late into the night and trying to reposed to messages while I’m at work at the hospital. It has left me feeling stressed and scattered more often than not. And while I am grateful for the opportunity I have been given with this business, I’ve come to the conclusion that this simply isn’t the path that is meant for me. 

I’ve had a deep burning in my soul for some time now to write a book, to CREATE and inspire others through sharing my life experiences and my story. But creation takes time, discipline and clarity…all of which I feel very short on lately with trying to run this business while working my real job as an OT AND doing online health and fitness coaching. 

So I’ve decided to trim the fat so to speak and simplify down to the things that really light me up: serving others through my profession as an occupational therapist, helping people transform their lives as a health and fitness coach with BeachBody and inspiring others through my writing (which is finally in the works!). 

While this might sound good written out in a blog post, coming to this decision was not without much turmoil. First there was my ego: Does this make me a failure? What will everyone think of me? (By the way, I’m not sure who “everyone” actually is) Then there was FEAR: But what if I don’t get enough hours at the hospital, how will we pay our bills? (Scarcity mindset) And what if something happens and we really need that $? (Not an actual current problem) And the list goes on…and on. 

But I have learned three VERY important lessons in this decision making process: 

1.) Life is too short to spend your time doing anything that doesn’t truly light you up and make you excited to do it! 

2.) I can do sales but I don’t enjoy it. I just want to be ME. I don’t want to sell anything. 

3.) It’s okay to change your mind. 

It is OKAY to change your mind. 

Anyone else raised with the mentality of “you finish what you start”? Yeah, well I don’t know that I agree with that in all instances and perhaps falsely applying that belief to this situation was holding me back from letting it go sooner. Because what I really believe is that if the movie sucks, turn it off. And if the book is boring, put it away. And if you start a business and later realize it’s not what you thought it would be and you’re not enjoying it, let it go. It’s okay! This change of heart does not make you a failure. It simply makes you a student of life and oh so very human. It means you are still learning yourself and what lights you up. I mean how else do we figure out what we really love to do, until we discover some things that we don’t enjoy doing? Kind of like how most of us had to kiss a few frogs before finding our Prince Charming. Right? 

Ironically, through all of this, Ryan started having doubts about wanting to run in the Leadville 100 (yes, that’s a 100 mile race where you have 30 hours to complete it at 10,000-12,000 ft of elevation). Because now that we have a house and he has his shop set up he’s back to “fiddling,” as he likes to call it. He is making custom knives again and also working on building some furniture for the house. He is creating and loving every minute of it! He loses track of time out there and that is exactly how I know that’s where his heart is. But much like my egotism and fear, he had the same issues and I ultimately had to remind him of this very important lesson that I just learned: It’s okay to change your mind. 

It really is. 

You can never go wrong when you follow your bliss and invest your time in the things that light you up. 

So forget the rest, let it go, and get to writing your next chapter.