My Rocky Mountain Heart

Today I had a long day at the hospital out in Frisco for hospital orientation.  I had to stay late to complete some online courses before my documentation training next week.  This morning I left the house at 6:30am and didn’t get home until 7:30pm.  It was a long day. 

I had a lot of coffee today.  I forgot how hard is for me to sit still for THAT long! As I was leaving the hospital (mind you after daylight savings this past weekend) I suddenly realized that it was pitch black at 6:15pm as I was getting on the road.

As I turned right to get on I-70 to head East back home to Arvada, I suddenly got nervous.  I drive that highway ALL THE TIME…but not when it’s dark out.  It’s usually to go hiking or skiing and certainly not after working a 10-hour day.  I am admittedly not a great night driver – my eyes don’t adjust well to darkness and all the bright lights from the headlights coming from the opposite direction of me really bother my migraine brain.  I realized that I couldn’t see the curves or road ahead me much further than 20-30 feet and inside I panicked a bit.  I was already worried about driving a long distance home when I was so tired and then you add a dark windy mountain highway to the mix…<DEEP BREATH>…

I hit play on “The Girl on the Train,” which I am currently listening to on Audible.  I find that listening to books helps pass the time and focus my mind – which I very much appreciate right now in my life.  I tried not to think about my nerves driving home tonight, because the more I did, the worse it got.  And suddenly I realized…I have my lights on.  I don’t need to see the road more than 20-30 feet in front of me.  I just need to follow my headlights and drive.

Hmmm… Follow my headlights and drive.

Seems a bit like my life right now.  I can’t see too far ahead of me and yet, I know where I am going.  I know that I am heading home.  I just have to trust that I have the tools to safely get there.

It’s funny how many questions I have gotten recently about this impending move and life change…and almost 99% of the time, my current answer to the question, any question is, “I don’t know.”  For me, Sondra Helaine Funk, this is not a comfortable answer.  It is not my preferred way of living.  I like to know.  I like to have  a plan.

But I guess tonight I realized that there is beauty in the darkness and beauty in having faith that you will indeed find your way home.