My Rocky Mountain Heart

Unplug. That’s what I was supposed to do this past weekend, for the whole weekend.  And while I did unplug for about 80% of the weekend, I did not turn my phone off like I said I would. In reflecting on why I didn’t follow through, I reviewed the following reasons: the infamous FOMO (fear of missing out), a constant need to be productive (more hours working means more success, right? And what if I miss an email from a customer?), and of course the intermittent but intense restlessness in my soul. 

But how could I feel restless with views like that one? Well, this is what anxiety feels like for me, an inability to sit still. I have to force myself to slow down and to consciously breathe. I have to focus my attention on a book, or music, or movement in order to calm my mind. Or even focus my attention on the mundane daily tasks like eating, cleaning, washing my hands, making coffee…I believe they call this mindfulness.

But let me say this…my mind has been anything but calm lately. And despite the swirling mess that is currently  my mind, my SOUL feels very calm. So odd, right? Yeah, I think so, too. And I couldn’t help but wonder how this is even possible. 

How can a person feel mentally anxious but yet calm in their soul? 

Well I’ll tell you how…

My mental to-do list is currently like 29 miles long: be super OT, evaluate, write report, Medicaid notes, emails, don’t forget to observe that one kid, make sure to follow up with teacher, Declutter for staging the house, purge all the crap, yay new inventory – now shoot pictures, upload to Dropbox, upload to Roe with Me, post in my LuLaRoe group, post in LuLaRoe event, pee, eat, shower, do dishes, don’t forget to put the laundry in the dryer (I’m the worst about that! Just ask my poor husband.), do I have time to workout?, better check in with my BeachBody peeps, man, I’m a horrible coach right now…fold the laundry, write a to-do list for tomorrow so I don’t forget anything, stop at the grocery store, I know we need something…what did we need? 

It’s exhausting!!! And usually it’s a lot more of a chaotic progression because well, ADD…And even as much as I like making lists, lately it makes me tired just thinking about the current “to-dos.” 

BUT my ‘soul to-do list’ is much shorter: 

Be still. 

Let it unfold. 

Reviewing my soul “to-do” list reminds me that my job as a human being…is to BE. Simply to exist. To sit with my feelings and fears and ultimately to return to faith. To live in faith that the universe and God will provide. That all will work out as its supposed to. I mean, it always has before, right? 

So this past weekend we spent time unplugging and rebooting…

And now I am reminded of the extreme importance in taking time for yourself – not just to celebrate an anniversary, but every single day. Take 10 minutes to just lay down and breathe. Can you even remember that last time you did that? Do you remember the last time you left your phone in the other room and read a few chapters of book you want read, not for work or school? Do you ever turn the music off in your car and just check in with yourself about how you are feeling and not just run through your mental to-do list? 

No? 

Well may I suggest my favorite  activity to decompress? 

Staring. 

Yup, many days I stare at the wall. 

I stare at the nothingness on the wall. The solid colored paint and consistent texture. The lack of color and sound. The wall doesn’t need anything. It demands nothing of me. It allows me to stare and just be. 

I suspect that if you also work in education or are a parent, you have probably enjoyed some time staring before. But I challenge you to set aside time to intentionally stare. 

Yup, stare at the wall.

Just be.

And then see how you feel…

The to-do lists can wait. But your soul cannot. It demands some stillness and reflection. It’s critical to not only your survival but your growth. And remember that just by being, you are enough.

Now go stare. 

You deserve it! ❤️